The Bigger Need

Tomorrow, I start at the hospital. Once again, my nursing training will come to fore and rule my life. A real departure from my "old" life of words and counsel. Well, maybe not. Aaah...there are so many questions going through my head. Fear races to my throat but I quickly swallow it back in slow resolve lest it race out my mouth and shout out to the world that here...here is someone who pretends to live. I am strong, I keep telling myself...hoping against hope that in time my brain believes and sends signals to the tips of my fingers and toes. YES she is strong and she can make it.

Back home, I had a social life. Family, friends, colleagues who believed in what I know. They allowed me to lead them and their families little knowing that I had fears in leading myself. Now, in this new country, I cannot be strong for anyone. I have to be strong for myself and THERE lies the test.

This new life is for forever.

It is for my mother who needs care. Sisters who pursue their dreams. A father who holds family honor above all else and yes, for myself--my dream of growing old by the sea, a roomful of books and Internet access. How simple our dreams. How difficult the path to accomplishment.